Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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