sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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