Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
