On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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