i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
