Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
