i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
