Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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