He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
