My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
