I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
