we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
