Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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