Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
