I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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