its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I deserve this hangover.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
