Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
