I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i think i just lost a toe
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
