She said her name was "party"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
