I CAN MOONWALK!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
