as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
