made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
