capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
