It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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