We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
