I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
