If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
