It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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