the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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