grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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