Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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