Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
