is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
