I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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