so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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