he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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