I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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