my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
