Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
