Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
