Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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