dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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