I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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