There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
