"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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