You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
