new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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