he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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