covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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