I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
