im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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