i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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