Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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