we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
