He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
