Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
