omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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