halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
