I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
