Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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